This is a transcript of the Batman: The Animated Series episode "The Last Laugh" from season one, which aired on September 22, 1992. It is divided into major dialogue sections for better comprehension.
LAUGHING GAS SPREADS AROUND GOTHAM
- Security Driver: (After catching the scent of the gas) Phew! Oh boy, it's disgusting!....(Starts laughing and driving out of control)
- Street Painter: (Dodges the car) Watch out, you crazy! (Starts laughing as well)
SUNSET IN WAYNE MANOR
- Bruce Wayne: (Cuts himself shaving) Ouch!
- Alfred Pennyworth: Rough night of crime fighting, sir?
- Bruce: Very.
- Alfred: Well, you'll be happy to know I've drawn you a bath, whenever you're ready.
- Bruce: (sees that the tub is empty) What's the deal, Alfred?
- Alfred: (shows Bruce a picture of a bath) I said I drew you a bath, sir. April Fools!
- Bruce: Very funny, Alfred. I guess I'll just take a shower.
- Alfred: Not a funny bone in his entire body.
(Bruce gets in the shower)
- Bruce: Alfred, hit the radio, would you?
- Alfred: Right away, sir.
(Alfred turns on the radio)
- Reporter: Traffic is at a stand-still on the Gotham expressway, where a trailer full of eggs has overturned. -- This just in. The Gotham Police are investigating a series of near fatal accidents along the riverhood. Initial reports indicate that hundreds of Gothamites have inexplicably began acting like total laughing fools. More details as they become available.
- Alfred: Sounds like a rather dirty April Fools prank.
- Bruce: Sounds like...The Joker.
- Reporter #2: At this hour, Gotham City is in the grip of insanity. Everywhere people are turning into lunatics. The latest reports say that the wave of foolish hysteria is moving down 7th avenue towards. . . towards. . . the financial district. [snicker] Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Joker: That's my cue! - (Joker stops the garbage load near the docks) Perfect. (Joker's gang comes out of the load) Now everbody remember where we parked. (Joker looks at the camera) When the going gets tough... the tough go shopping. (Every citizen nearby starts laughing and Joker steals from a jewel store) Who says crime doesn't pay?!? (Joker walks along the street, while people laughs out of control) Now this is what I call a sidewalk sale!
BATMAN SENDS A BALOON TO ANALYZE GOTHAM'S AIR
- Batcomputer: Air born gas emanating from river front district. Analysis: Lengthy exposure to the gas will result in permanent insanity.
- Batman: (Calls Alfred through the intercom) Alfred, I left the hex key upstairs in the den. Would you bring it down?
Alfred: Oh, go fetch it yourself! (Blows raspberry) Batman: Very funny, Alfred. But I've no time to play. BATMAN LISTEN TO CRASHING NOISES AND SUDDEN LAUGHTER FROM ALFRED. BATMAN HURRIES TO THE LIVING ROOM
- Alfred: (Waving a broom upside down) Just a little spring cleaning, sir. Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Batman: (Batman sees the wrecked place and puts on his gas mask) Cough...cough....the gas...
ALFRED KEEPS DESTROYING THE PLACE WHILE LAUGHING UNTIL HE DROPS DOWN
- Alfred: I believe I've contracted a giant case of the giggles. Ha ha hahaha!
(Batman remembers the Batcomputer's analysis: "Lengthy exposure to the gas will result in permanent insanity".
JOKER'S VICTORY AND DEATH TRAP
PEOPLE OF GOTHAM KEEP ACTING LIKE LUNATICS
- Summer Gleeson: (Reporting from the Stock Market) Ok, lets shoot it. This place is giving me the creeps. I'm here in downtown Gotham, where corporate CEOs have gone stark raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is, will April Fools Day mark the end of Gotham City as we know it?
- Joker: (turns off the TV) The only thing's gaining now are the laughing stocks. Ha ha ha ha! (the ship is stopped by Batman and Joker falls down. Joker comes out to meet Batman) Look who's come to trash the place!
- Batman: A fitting setting for you, Joker.
- Joker: UUhh, I just love to get down and dirty! O-kay boys. It's playtime!
- Big Henchman: It's about time!
- Jest: What are we waiting for?
BATMAN GETS RID OF THEM WITH EASE
- Joker: Batman; you're a real party-pooper. Why don't you take your mask off and have a few laughs! HAHAHAHAHAH!
- Batman: Cut the clowning, Joker!
- Joker: (To Captain Clown) Get him! (Batman tries to fight but the robot grabs him) Tsk...tsk. You shouldn't have made Captain Clown maad...(The robot spins Batman until there's no fight left in him) Time to take out the garbage! (Joker opens a canister and Clown drops Batman inside) I just love this new ziploc seals. We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just puncture air holes! (Joker stabs the canister with a knife) Okay, Captain! Give her the old heave-ho! (Captain Clown throws Batman into the ocean) Whoops! Looks like our air holes are water holes too! What a shame! Ha ha ha!
BATMAN'S ESCAPE AND DEFEAT OF CAPTAIN CLOWN
- Joker: I never knew Batman could sink so low. Well, Cap'n; this could be the start of a beautiful friendship! HA ha ha HA!
BATMAN ACTIVATES THE BATBOAT AND ESCAPES CERTAIN DEATH
- Batman: You wanna play dirty, Joker!
JOKER GOES TO THE CHEMICAL WASTE PLANT AND SPRAYS THE GARBAGE WITH LAUGHING GAS
- Joker: Get ready boys, here it comes! This'll give those April fools a lot more smiles per gallon! HA HA HA! (Batman cuts the hoses with a ninja star and the henchmen fall down) What are you fools...BATMAN! (Batman takes down Joker's henchmen but can't stop Captain Clown, who grabs Batman's cape) Hey, Batman! Looks like Captain Clown is really getting attached to you! (Batman finally destroys the robot) You killed Captain Clown... YOU KILLED CAPTAIN CLOWN! Just for that, Batman...(dumps an entire truckload of garbage on Batman) Hey, Batman! You stink so bad I can smell you from here! (laughing) Pee-uuuu! Pew, pew, pew!
FINAL CONFRONTATION AND AFTERMATH
BATMAN IS ABOUT TO FALL TO A PIT OF BURNING WASTE
- Joker: Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich!
BATMAN REACHES JOKER
- Batman: Justice will be served, Joker!
- Joker: Service with a smile?
- Batman: Clean up your act, Joker!
- Joker: Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! Ha ha ha ha!
JOKER TRIES TO ESCAPE, PLUMMETS OVER THE RAILING AND GETS CAUGHT ON A ROPE, HOVERING OVER THE BURNING GARBAGE
- Joker: Batman! You wouldn't let me fry, would you?! (Batman stops and considers it) Batman!! (Batman pulls Joker up)
BACK IN WAYNE MANOR, ALFRED HAS RECOVERED AND IS CLEANING THE MESS HE CREATED
- Bruce: I've taken eight showers and I still feel soiled! I've never seen so much garbage. (Alfred doesn't reply) What's wrong, Alfred? Aren't you feeling better?
- Alfred: What's wrong, sir? I destroyed a priceless Ming Vase and you ask me what's wrong?
- Bruce: Don't worry about it. I'll just take it out of your salary for the next couple of years.
- Alfred: (Shocked and sad) Very well, sir.
- Bruce: Alfred? April Fools. Ha ha ha.